Surrogacy can bring tremendous hope, especially after infertility, pregnancy loss, IVF, or other challenges on the path to parenthood. But intended parents can also experience anxiety, depression, grief, and emotional overwhelm during the surrogacy process.
For some intended parents, this comes as a surprise.
You may have spent years hoping to reach this point. You finally have a gestational carrier. The embryo transfer worked. The pregnancy is progressing. Everyone expects you to be excited.
So why are you still anxious, depressed, and filled with grief?
Anxiety During Surrogacy
Anxiety during surrogacy can appear in many ways. You may constantly wait for updates from your gestational carrier, worry before ultrasounds, search for reassurance that the pregnancy is progressing normally, or find yourself unable to trust good news.
For intended parents who experienced infertility or pregnancy loss, pregnancy may not automatically feel safe simply because circumstances have changed.
You may tell yourself, “I'll feel better after the next appointment.”
Then the appointment goes well—and another worry takes its place.
Grief and Depression During Surrogacy
Surrogacy can also involve grief.
You can be deeply grateful for your gestational carrier while grieving that you aren't carrying the pregnancy yourself. You may feel disconnected from the pregnancy, sad about what infertility took from you, or guilty for experiencing anything other than gratitude.
These emotions can coexist.
Gratitude doesn't cancel grief. Excitement doesn't eliminate anxiety. And becoming a parent through surrogacy doesn't erase what happened before you arrived here.
Therapy for Intended Parents
Therapy during surrogacy provides a place to talk about the parts of third-party reproduction that can be difficult to say out loud.
Rather than simply trying to eliminate anxiety, therapy can help intended parents understand what is underneath the need for reassurance, control, or certainty—and develop a greater ability to tolerate the vulnerability involved in becoming a parent.
Need Support During Surrogacy?
Joanna Haydon, JD, LCSW, is a psychotherapist who works with intended parents navigating the emotional complexities of infertility, surrogacy, pregnancy loss, and third-party reproduction. She supports clients experiencing anxiety, depression, grief, uncertainty, and the complicated emotions that can arise while building a family through a gestational carrier.
Joanna provides telehealth therapy throughout Missouri and Illinois. Learn more about Surrogacy & Third-Party Reproduction Therapy, explore Infertility & Pregnancy Loss Therapy, or contact Joanna to learn more about working together.