Infertility is something you may be going through together, but that doesn't mean you will experience it in the same way.
One partner may want to talk about treatment constantly while the other needs space from it. One may research every possibility while the other avoids thinking too far ahead. One may want to continue treatment while the other begins wondering how much more they can take.
Over time, something you desperately want together can begin to make you feel increasingly alone.
When You Cope With Infertility Differently
There is no single way to respond to infertility.
You may experience every unsuccessful cycle as a profound loss while your partner seems ready to discuss the next step. Or your partner may be struggling more than you realize but believes they need to stay composed for you.
These differences can easily become misunderstandings.
Why doesn't this seem to affect you the way it affects me?
Why can't we talk about anything else?
Why do I have to be the strong one?
What begins as different ways of coping can slowly become resentment, loneliness, or emotional distance.
When Your Relationship Becomes About Treatment
Infertility can also change the rhythm of a relationship.
Sex may become connected to conception rather than intimacy. Conversations may revolve around appointments, finances, medications, embryos, or next steps. Decisions that once belonged to the two of you may now involve doctors, clinics, schedules, and statistics.
The relationship can begin to feel less like a place of connection and more like another part of fertility treatment.
Finding Each Other Again
Therapy can provide space to understand what infertility has come to mean to each of you—even when only one partner attends therapy.
You may discover that anger is covering grief, that withdrawal is an attempt to avoid making things worse, or that the pressure to stay strong has made it difficult to let your partner know how frightened or helpless you actually feel.
The goal isn't for you and your partner to cope with infertility in exactly the same way.
It is to create more room to understand each other while navigating something neither of you expected to face.
Infertility may be part of your relationship right now.
It doesn't have to become the entirety of it.
Infertility & IVF Therapy in St. Louis, Missouri and Illinois
Infertility and fertility treatment can bring anxiety, grief, uncertainty, relationship strain, and decisions you never expected to face. Therapy can provide space to understand what you're experiencing without feeling pressure to immediately make it better.
Joanna Haydon, JD, LCSW provides infertility and IVF therapy in St. Louis and online in Chicago and throughout Missouri and Illinois. She works with adults navigating infertility, IVF and IUI, pregnancy loss, failed embryo transfers, fertility-related anxiety and grief, and decisions about family building.
Learn more about Infertility, IVF & Pregnancy Loss Therapy or request a consultation to learn more about working together.